I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do.

The semester started off - well not smoothly. There is SO much stuff going on it's insane and I can't keep up with everything. everyone. it's only the second week of the school and I feel like i've been in school forever - maybe because of the summer school. It's sad that it's only the second week of school and I already need a break. VERY BADLY. and the bad part is - dance practices haven't even started yet. I thought of not doing the team this year, but I don't know what I'd do without dance in my life. It's the one thing that keeps me sane.

Need to go to the doctors for check up and stuff. I'll do it eventually.

whatever.

One of my best friends graduated on Saturday!!
It still hasn't sunk in that she's not coming back to school next year. Maybe because I expect to see her come back and curse her Russian Independent Study Professor. She has been a constant in my college life since the day I moved in as a freshman till the day she graduated. I don't think it's going to hit me until I go back to school for Fall semester and she's not going to be there. boy that's going to be interesting. But, for now, Cheers to her and half of my others friends that graduated!!!
Next year is going to be weird without them. Even  Tech, with its population of more then 20,000 students, is going to seem empty.
I'll miss you
I really will.

Wish you the very best in life.

One Year.
365 days.

Has it really been that long? We've laughed. We've cried. We've tried to mask the pain, the confusion, the heartbreak. We've done everything we can to make it easier, and the world has helped us. But does it ever get 'easier'? There have been events through out the year on campus trying to help the community - services, concerts, fund raisers, community service activity, counselors (though, I don't think they help much), memorials etc. It's good to know that the university has built a memorial for the victims and the students can go visit them at anytime. But, how am I supposed to react when I see the memorial everyday while crossing the Drill Field? How am I supposed to react when I pass Norris Hall every other day to go to class?

I still remember that bitter Monday morning very clearly. We had our induction ceremony the night before and I was finally an official sister in Alpha Omega Epsilon. It was fairly cold considering it was April. But then again, this is Blacksburg - it'll be 70 degrees now and freezing cold an hour later. I had been feeling sick from the night before, and I was still very tired from the crazy busy weekend with no sleep. I had Engineering Economy in Whittemore at 9:05. I left my room around 8:45 because I knew I won't be walking at the same pace as I usually do. I saw Max right by Norris and Hankock. I was going through Hankock to get to my class and she was going to Norris to go to her German class. I saw her and I smiled. She gave me her usual bright smile back.
Me: Hi! how's it going? It's soooo cold!!
Max: I know right?! You gotta love Blacksburg!

I wanted to give her a hug, but I wasn't feeling good at all. you know - the headache, the fever, when your eyes hurt cause you haven't slept and the cold added to my irritation that morning.

I went to class and at about 9:30, a couple of guys come into class and talk to the professor. The professor made an announcement saying there had been shooting at AJ earlier and the shooter was still on campus. Students were required to stay in class for sometime. He let us go after 20 mnts saying we should go back to our rooms/apartments and stay there untill we hear anything else. I started going back to my room - again through Hankock. As soon as I got to Hankock, the security guards asked us not to go any further and stay away from the doors and windows, because the shooter was in Norris, the building across. It didn't connect that Max might be stuck in Norris. We were escorted to Randolph since it's connected to Hankock. Everyone was getting phone calls and texts left and right from friends and family to make sure they were all right - the incident had made the news. We could hear the last few of the gun shots. The police asked us to go into a class room. There were a few people who had escaped Norris in the same room as me. Before they could say anything, the security came and got them and took them to a different room so no one would badger them with questions.

Around 10:20, it was announced that everything was under control, but we were still not allowed to leave the academic side of the campus to go to the residential side, so I left to with a friend to go to his apartment. On the way to his place, we heard that there were 2 people dead and 8 casualties. When we got to his place and turned the TV on it said 20 dead and counting. We were sure they had made some mistake. It wasn't possible. 20 dead? how can it be? No one can kill so many people. No one was so cruel and twisted. And the number kept rising. it went up to 32 and the shooter himself. It still didn't connect that Max could've been hurt.

I went back on campus around 6:30. I went to Ashly and Tia's room first to see how they were doing. Ashly was worried, cause no one had been able to get in touch with her friend Leslie. I came back to my room. I was on AIM when I saw my Big's away messgae: "Max, where are you?"

And it hit me.

Max was in Norris. No one had been able to get in touch with her. I had talked to her right before her class. The sorority had called all the hospitals but could not find Max. Some of them were talking to the police. I went to Slusher to go and wait for any new they might have of Max with other sisters. Around 9:30, the police told us that Max had not made it. They had to inform her family first.

Max was gone. Just like that. But that's not possible. This is Max we're talking about, the superwoman, the super smart, awesome personality, always smiling, always willing to help, Max. I saw her at the Professional event for the rush for the first time and she looked very familiar. I found out later that we had gone to the same High School and she graduated 2 years before me. Max was one of those people that got along with everyone. Of course she was supersmart - she was graduating with honors in chemistry and chemical engineering. I am not a good writer and so I can't possibly describe her amazingness. I had only known her for few months and it felt like I had lost one of my close friends.

I came back to my room, only to find out Ashly's friend Leslie hadn't made it either. Only she knows about the pain she went through.

After a few days Kammy posted this on her facebook:
"I had lunch with Max a couple weeks ago. She was telling me how she was in love with this boy, and the night before she had drunk dialed him and told him so. And she said, 'hey, I could die tomorrow. I wanted him to know.' "

a lot of Max's close friends started posting their memories with her and her sillyness. Each one made me cry. I read them today and they still make me cry.

And then there was what they call 'the aftermath'. The media was all over the campus, shoving their cameras and microphones in the faces of every other student. They'd be there when a friend would visit the memorial and breakdown. It was already known as the "Virginia Tech Massacre" on wikipedia. Ofcourse from there, the News Channels also started refering it to The Virginia Tech Massacre.  I love our community though. It wouldn't have been slightly possible to get through this if it wasn't for them. We got support from all over the world, and trust me, it helped. It helped to know that people were grieving with us. That people were there to help us. It doesn't get any easier to deal with, but its a comfort knowing that there's someone always there if you need them.

  It'll be one year this Wednesday. I don't know how I'll be. I don't know how anyone will be. There'll be media on campus again. They'll ask questions again. They'll ask if we remember anything. Of course we remember. How can we not? But we might not want to share it with them.

But we're strong. We've helped each other so far. We'll help each other again, for as long as we need.

We are Virginia Tech.
We will Prevail.

<3 

To the world,
VT truly thanks you for all your help.

PROUD TO BE A HOKIE





- Ross A. Alameddine
- Christopher James Biship
- Brian R. Bluhm
- Ryan Christopher Clark
- Austin Michelle Cloyd
- Jocelyne Couture-Nowak
- Kevin P. Granata
- Matthew Gregory Gwaltney
- Caitlin Millar Hammaren
- Jeremy Michael Herbstritt
- Rachael Elizabeth Hill
- Emily Jane Hilscher
- Jarrett Lee Lane
- Matthew Joseph La Porte
- Henry J. Lee
- Liviu Librescu
- G.V. Loganathan
- Partahi Mamora Halomoan Lumbantoruan
- Lauren Ashley McCain
- Daniel Patrick O'Neil
- Juan Ramon Ortiz-Ortiz
- Minal Hiralal Panchal
- Daniel Alejandro Perez Cueva
- Erin Nicole Peterson
- Michael Steven Pohle, Jr.
- Julia Kathleen Pryde
- Mary Karen Read
- Reema Joseph Samaha
- Waleed Mohamed Shaalan
- Leslie Geraldine Sherman
- Maxine Shelly Turner
- Nicole Regina White

Rest In Peace - Love you all.